(My computer seems to be possessed and has been since Monday. I cannot upload photos. Ditto for video. Oh well! Another time)
The roll in, the swerve out of sight; there is everything on offer. I have appeared and disappeared, begun to feel seen and dropped down invisible again. I’m caught between where I was and who was there with me and a future space I cannot know.
There is always change on the horizon, and in my mind, I can logically understand the need to dismantle, the inevitability to the leaving and the leaving and the leaving, but the left behinds still feel weighty. I cannot chase after the simplest acts of kindness; they are whistling through the windows and flitting well beyond my view. They are moving on to do their goodness elsewhere.
I am not ungrateful for all and everything and everyone I have known; I only wish something would stick in place. Though I knew how many friends I would lose this year to moving, this last round is going to be the most heart breaking. The dwindling down is about to make the final thud. Sometimes I wonder why I’ve stayed in this city. I cannot go now; not with all that’s percolating.
It’s another new chapter, another village blown to smithereens to tidy; build up from the rubble the life so far unseen. There is too much to know, to do, to understand. The first thing to do; let go of the wheel and let the rudderless boat drag me off to wherever it may travel.
Say good-bye to the last of the stronghold, with every intention and knowledge that meeting again is well and possible. I will cry much, but I will be glad.
I will carry with me the time and love well spent.