Once upon a time there was a family that beamed brilliant, beautiful benefactors onto this bouncing basketball known as “Earth” but this is not the story of them. No, this is a more harrowing tale of the family Nit-Wit; Mrs. Nit, Mr. Wit and their despicable brood.
Their first born’s were cursedly ugly twin girls, Nitalie and Nitney Nit-Wit, born impossibly on the 13th day of the 13th month in 131313, the year of the Earwig. Father Nutter Wit was deeply repulsed by girl-children and went about breaking many an ill-woven wicker chair in their sideways ramshackle abode. He grit new curse words between his teeth and spat them into the chimney whilst the whingy babes sprung forth from the loins of his betrothed, Ninny Nit.
He proceeded to slap every forehead present in the room, starting first with his wife’s, followed closely by that of her wretched, useless mid-wife. His giant palm next struck the dim-witted town friar; this was of particular satisfaction to Nutter. He had no use for this imbecile huddled in the corner, shuddering. “What on sodden earth is this fool doing here if he won’t even stifle the cries of the blessed woman?” the infuriated beast queried of himself. No, instead, there he hunched, eyes clamped shut, lips curled like snarly tree roots, ears plugged up with his giant sausage fingers, moaning some unholy incantation! “Curses be on his stinky robes and leather bound hogwash!”